I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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