Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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