My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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