when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
