He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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