I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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