Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
