Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize