I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
