Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
