you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
