So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
