I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
