Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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