The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
tell me about the eggs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
