Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's always time for handjobs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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