Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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