Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
