i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
