I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
