Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize