Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize