Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
