I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
