Already got asked if we're dating
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
