I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I supernannyed him into submission
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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