I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
