Me too!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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