"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
