Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
