You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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