if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
