Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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