Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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