no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
