I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
