look no pants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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