just tell him i said nine months
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
