Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
