I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
