i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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