Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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