She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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