Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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