She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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