Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
