dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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