I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
