I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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