Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize