wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
