I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
