Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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