that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
