# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
