im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
