dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i jhust puked up my retainher.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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