I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just blew my weed a kiss
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
