Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
