just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
