Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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