I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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