Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
