Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
