Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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