ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize