you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
