can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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