He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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