Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
