Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
