Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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