GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
