an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
