If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
