I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
