Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
