i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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