laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's the barista slut.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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