yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am naked and annoyed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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