I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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