thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
