so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
