I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
