so explain again why im purple
no
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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