I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
