i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
