Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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