I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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